So I have had a lot going on as usual and that’s nothing new. For new readers my day in the life is never PC so if you offend easily, back out now.
For those of you trying to diet you should follow my new fad the fantasy diet. I’m dead serious and it is fun! So we all like to eat at least those of us who are normal anyway. I like my steak and Italian food,Spanish food, French food,black people food,German food but I’m not to keen on Chinese food at least not the stuff served here in the states. When you like food you MUST have a diet that works and I do.
The first thing you do is make it fun for you and others who may be dealing with you. So at each meal time I pretend I’m either someone else or somewhere else or for example on a game show,it really all depends on my mood and if it is raining or not. The rain is important for one of the diets I have. Here is how one day in my life of dieting went.
So it was time for breakfast the most important meal of the day. So I geared myself up and with a little help from my friend I began my descent into insanity and non political correctness. I gave them the Bumblebee tuna sensation can that would only feed a toddler and that does not mean I eat the crackers with it. This can is exactly 110 calories,even if you lick it and yeah I did. With my friend having the can at anytime he can make an airplane noise like he is dropping off food for the dying Ethiopians. I in my mind have become one of the Ethiopians. I begin to walk as if I have no strength and then I hear the plane above I look around ready to fend of other Africans and drug lords from stealing my food from me. I get ready to run on only one leg because the other was shot off by a poacher of black people meat. My friend is making louder and louder airplane noises and I feel a food drop is about to take place. I see the can being tossed!!!! I lunge and dive for the can of tuna hitting the front yard with a thud,not caring who or what nieghbor see’s me. I grab the tuna and slide under the tree in my front yard guarding the can with all my life. I begin to shove it in my mouth telling myself I never know when I will get fed again. Breakfast is now over.
With lunch coming around and being in public it might not be a good idea to lunge to the ground,least people think I’m a nut job. I am a nut job but you know how you have to keep that shit under wraps. So since I’m out in public in my mind I will be an over grown retarded orphan who is like an ugly step child. While they eat at the table I force them so say horrible things. They say things like this. We never wanted you,you take all our money you retard,here eat this cat food,cackle,cackle,cackle!!!! They then show a few table scarps at me which will consist of the lettuce that is decoration on their plate and maybe a half of roll and a glass of water. In return I will make retard noises so they to can be entertained. I believe in pay it forward!
Now I know people will say OMG Dee Dee that is so wrong on so many levels. WTF levels are you talking about? I don’t make fun of retarded people but sometimes I can’t help laughing when they run or talk. I mean really do you not have a sense of humour? There is a lady at the DMV and she is retarded and deaf so when she tries and talks to me I get frustrated with her just as I would a non retard. I do believe in equal rights,as it should be and yes I do laugh my ass off when she talks because I can’t help it. I really can’t help it no matter how hard I try. She talks,I laugh,people look at me and then I give them dirty looks. It is a vicious circle.
OH shit,Carly Fiorina is on the Whore show,you know the view. Gotta go. I’m back and I loved watching her tear those whores up. I swear they share one brain cell between them all. All I can think of is,is Raven Simon(e) mentally challenged for real,does Whoppi wash her dreads,does Joy know who Hitler was and so on. I can’t stomach the dribble coming out of their mouths. I do think being a liberal is a disease. I can’t believe they said they were comedians,really? I have not laughed yet…..
Moving on to my dinner diet. I need to keep things going so in my mind I’m going to be on the Survivor show. I MUST make it to the end. I MUST survive but I have no food. I go into the woods and stalk around until I find a little pond,the exercise is good too. I find a stick and poke around for a long time into the water. OH wow it is a fish but if only I could catch it! This looks like a special kind of fish,it’s called the Bumblebee sensation tuna fish,I caught it. I can now eat and I will survive another day. My diet will continue another day tomorrow.
So you see it is all about entertaining yourself,making the diet fun and living some sort of fantasy. I think tomorrow I will have a gastric bypass and only eat what fits inside of two table spoons. I’m doing great! Is it hard,yes it is but it is fun and your stomach will shrink.
Lets discuss anchor weed.
Donald Trump who is the only one who can turn our country around does not believe in anchor babies. If we use logic instead of screaming OMG he’s a racist you will see he is right. Here we go. So lets say that a few criminals hop the border,you know for the better life of welfare and HUD and all that good shit. They are pregnant and pop out one of many more to come now coming over the border makes the baby illegal according to me. You however may not agree. That’s okay,lets try this another way. Okay so you smuggle out of a legal state a pot plant. You take that pot plant into your home and state where it is not legal,you cross the border. Now your plant is grown and giving off seeds and from those seeds you grew a glorious pot plant. All is well in the dumbed down and stoned out world. Alas,there is a raid and your house is one of them and your plants are confiscated and your facing some time. You think you have it in the bag you argue that your plant is legal because it’s mother plant made it over the border therfore making it legal to be there. You see where I’m going with this? A serial killer makes it over the prison fence,he lives a life,killing,maybe not killing but then he is caught. Should he go free or does he belong in prison. Now lets rinse and repeat. An illegal crosses the border,they pop out another illegal,does it make them legal or do they go the fuck back?
If you don’t agree why? Why should our Veterans stay homeless,hungry and with out jobs while we support the bottom feeders? Does this make me a racist,no it doesn’t but it does make me logical. I don’t give two shits what your color is,what I care about is are you a criminal,are you legal? Oh Dee Dee your a racist you called them bottom feeders! Well yes,yes I did because until we take care of our veterans and those who are legal in this country then they need to go back. I will take it a step farther,let no one else in until the needs here are met for our people.
Now moving on to some people. That is the best way I can describe them. In fact it will just be me bitching so I’m going to pass on that.